Rebound.

I do this. I crash, and somehow I rebound. Please don't ask me how, because I think it's more or less my family and friends who rescue me from the black holes that my body is tempted to fall into.  Last week was an incredibly rough week. I thank you for ALL of your emails, and comments. It was good to write, what I was truly feeling at that time -- however short lived it was, or maybe in the future.  I just wanted to write something small for all of you, since a few of you were a bit alarmed. I appreciate your concern, I really do.

I've started to realize when these ruts come about, I find pleasure in the smallest things. And it really tends to add up. So, here, I share with you. Another grateful list. Because despite this horrible hand of cards, I am so, so, blessed for so many things.

Grateful List:

• My family
• did you know I can call either of my mothers at almost any time of the day, and they are there for me? Not just 'there' physically, but emotionally, they are rock solid people. They keep me motivated, they keep me moving, they keep me alive. 
• My Aunts and Uncles on both sides of my family. They check in on me. They drive me home from chemo. They tell me I'm loved. They want to make curtains for me. They tell me I'm strong. 
• My brother. My brother has this power to sit with me, watch movies with me, give me space when I need it, and be there. 
• My friends -- I can't say enough about my friends. I can't even pick a state in which I could tell you how wonderful those friends are, more than others because, god damn, I am lucky. They are there, more and more, I realize this. 
• My puppy ....



Lily! 

• Scented candles
• Clean sheets
• Bright Green relay for life t-shirts from friends
• Text messages that mean the world :) 
• Address books as gifts
• A gorgeous apartment
• Signing up for classes.... and being excited about it. 
• Lastly, all of you. 

Are things still really rough? Yes. But as I move along, almost this four year journey of cancer. I've realized now, I'm allowed to have bad days. I'm allowed to be sad. I'm allowed to take time to experience the pain of this disease -- as LONG as I get back up.

Slowly, I'm doing it.
with your help.

Thank you loves,

B.