Summer of Bekah!

Well, for me at least ;)

This is my official, summer vacation for the first time in three years.

I worked my little butt off this semester -- which definitely paid off. And LOVED every second of it. In fact, not seeing some of my favorite future-therapists in classes these last two weeks, has left my brain much less stimulated (miss you ladies!). 

However! Now is time for fun in the sun.  This afternoon I am high tailing it down to Miami, FL to meet up with two beautiful women, Adrienne and Alison. All in all this is a MUCH overdue visit with two of my favorite people who continue to fight this disease, just as I do.  After some R&R with the girls, I'll then be driving to lovely, Orlando for a day in Disney with friends.  

And THEN, after two and a half years, I'm returning to good old Jacksonville, Florida. My kids (who I taught two years ago) are graduating elementary school next weekend, and with it being my last time before they all part to separate middle schools, I wanted to give them one last hug.  So, I'll be seeing old co-workers, parents, and students.  I'm sure it'll all be very, very, bittersweet. But totally worth it. 

After my time in Florida, I head back to the bean for a quick weekend class..

and then, will spend a little over a week in PA visiting the moms -- spending some time at the Jersey shore with my family, and basking in the glory of summer. 

Although I'm looking forward to my summer classes turning up the heat in late June. I am ready to be a beach bum for a few weeks. And see some of my favorite faces. 

As for the cancer talk -- some things are in the mix, to change treatments: it appears that I'll be ending the LBH clinical trial in the next month and starting Doxil up sooner than anticipated. However, all of that will be attended to, once I return from my vacation. Once again, if you would like to continue reading my blog, please click here, and read. 

For now! I am officially declaring -- this the 'Summer of Bekah' and I am going to enjoy every minute of it.  You should too. 

  Remember to hug the ones you love today, and everyday. 

Sending Love, love, love...

B!

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(Please note: We lost another member of our hodge army this week, please stop over to the Parr's Blog, and leave a message, as Pat (James) passed away Tuesday afternoon, leaving behind his young wife, two year old son, Josh, and lots of family and friends who are grieving.)

More heartbreak..

Although it is painful, it is important to give the respect and love necessary to those who fight till the end. Due to another turn of events, another hodgkin's warrior, and his family are fighting for his life.

Pat (also known as James), started his Hodgkin's journey during the same time as my diagnosis, and transplant schedules. As another young parent (Pat's son Josh is only two years old), Pat, has recently been put on a ventilator and they have sedated him.



I ask you to keep these warriors in your thoughts, prayers, and send them strength -- in whatever form is appropriate.

If possible, please send love to his wife, Carrie.
These times of heartbreak are inconceivable.

Bekah

Private

I apologize that I am making this blog private so suddenly.

There unfortunately has been something that was brought to my attention -- and I needed to privatize my settings as soon as possible.

This morning, I ripped through my email account, and if you have emailed me over the last two years, and I was aware you have been keeping updates through my blog -- you received an invite.

If you have not been invited, and would like to continue reading, please e-mail me as soon as possible at RebekahFurey@mac.com Also, if you feel as though you know someone else who reads this blog, and they are unaware that I am shifting to 'private' mode. Please, send their e-mail as well.

I will keep this blog open for another week -- and then will shift, to private settings.

EDIT TO ADD: If you want to be invited, you MUST e-mail me. Leaving a comment, without an e-mail address, does not give me any form of communication to invite you. So please, e-mail me. OR, when you leave a comment, leave your e-mail address. 

Thank you for your patience, with me.

Updates soon, promise!

b

Where's the anger?

First, I wanted to thank you all for the input on the blog. I do think the best scenario will be to privatize my settings, so that those who read it now -- can read it in the future. And, I welcome you to pass on my name and blog to those entering transplant or clinical trials.  I will be starting this transition in August. But, I appreciate the feedback -- I really do. 

---

In the last three months, the hodgkin's community has lost three dear individuals.  Ms. Jessica Wentz passed away last week, and it is evident that there is a little less light in the world, especially for her two younger children and husband, Tommy.  

Jessica's passing, and others in this last year, andmy own disease triggered some thoughts, that I've been confronted with as of late.  At twenty two, when I was first diagnosed with this illness I was filled with anger. I was enraged. pissed. absolutely wrought about having a second disease before the age of twenty five.  And, good lord, I showed it. 

As the months go by, and I begin to meet, interact, or talk to other individuals who have had years of treatment or are chronically ill.  You get the sense that they aren't too angry.  I would always be baffled during my first treatment, when I heard cancer patients saying, "It'll be okay, I'm not to thrilled about it, I'm just glad to be spending time with my family..." I would look at them and think -- don't you want to destroy the world? Don't you want to scream up to the heavens and YELL 'I think i've had enough character building already?! can you pick on someone else?' I was always so amazed, when these warriors spoke with such calmness. Hardly any animosity... I was always curious, where was their rage? 

Most likely, if my first line treatment was successful. I still would have it. But, after over two years (plus previous years of kidney issues), I've realized (or grown up, one of the two), that anger takes a lot of energy. I can see myself getting upset during my first few rounds of chemo, resisting the life of a cancer patient, enraged that I had to be part of this, I had to participate, because how dare I be diagnosed with a second disease? 

In turn, it's definitely been a time of growth. Everyone knows I've got a little chutzpah in me. But, we, cancer patients -- or those found in the chronic illness bunch, we have to prioritize. We have to manage. We don't have ALL the energy in the world.  I guess I bring these points up, because I felt, for a long time, that I wasted my energy getting angry.  I pushed people away.  I put walls up. I was mad. Mad at the world, for making me deal with this disease. 

The irony of it all is -- the anger doesn't make it go away. And, it doesn't totally make you feel better after you've ripped your doctor, friends, or family members to shreds, because you are so upset that you have this illness.  But, maybe we all have a time... that this shifts.  I felt humbled when another cancer patient asked me recently, "God, you must get so annoyed that this is what you have to go through.  I would be so pissed how much it messed up my life." 

Yeah. Of course I am a bit annoyed. Of course, this is a bit difficult. But, in the end, the cancer, the treatment, the physical side effects grab ENOUGH of my efforts, enough of my energy, enough of my body, enough of my attention away from 'normalcy.'  So, why would I want to hand over the rest of it to this disease as well?

So, the question. Where did my anger go? I can't say that it's totally vanished, or that I've matured so much in the last two years that it's disappeared. But what I can say is, the anger takes time and energy. And those calm cancer patients -- that don't feel like destroying the entire world around them? They make a lot more sense to me these days.  It's amazing how many things you can accomplish, and fulfill when you're not enraged every moment of the day.  And, I hope that this will be something you can all carry with you as well.

Because really -- could you even IMAGINE how much energy it would take to destroy the entire world?  So much. 

Well, at least much more energy than grad school -- 

and honestly, I'd rather be doin' that. ;0)

Sending Love, love, love...

B