Inconclusive Results =
More scans, on August 21st.
So, we wait.
<3 B
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Before the world has its way... a thank you, or two.
Before the results, come in tomorrow of weather or not this transplant was successful. I wanted to express my gratitude and thanks, to all of those who honestly put their heart and soul into me the last six months.
Treatment, and even this part of recovery has been somewhat surreal. I can't even quite put it into words, just that, I'm so very thankful, and still overwhelmed some days, that I'm here -- and walking around. When just a few months ago, I could hardly gather enough energy to sit up right in a hospital bed. The human body, and spirit are truly amazing. And I'm so thankful I had people in my life that felt MY life was worth their effort, through supporting me.
Realistically, there are tons and tons of people to thank. Between last years treatment and this, and a part of me hopes I get to write thank you notes to each and every one of you. But most likely, if you are reading this now -- you were a part of this process. YOU are why, I am still here, and smiling.
This will be somewhat geographical in order, if that makes sense:
First and foremost, my extended family. The Rosan's and the Furey's, my Uncle Jay and Aunt Bobbi, who led me in this direction of treatment, and the best care possible at Upenn, and also the emotional support and kick in the butt I needed to keep me going through the difficult patches of my treatments. And then, the Furey's -- on all ends, my grandparents for telling me I was beautiful, even on my roughest days, and visiting when they could. My Aunt Linda for supporting my mothers through this mess. And my cousins, for thinking of me.
The ones who financially, let me live: Sheila, Sarah, and Vicky (The Curley School, Lesley University, and Neptune Beach Elementary), These three women, and the collective institutions/schools I've worked/attended at, not only put together fundraisers for me, to pay for prescriptions, gas to and from Upenn, and other care, but sent an abundant amount of emotional support through cards, poetry, and their personal connections to make sure, I was still kickin ;) For these women, and the staff that work with them -- I thank you, so so much.
Those crazy kids in Boston: To the ones who packed me up, and unpacked me. The ones who listened to my morphined thoughts, who cheered me on when I cried, and who kicked my butt hard (Nik), when I wanted to give up. Nik, Kate, Josh, Lynn, Em, Am, Kare, Timbo, Man, Sarah, Brock. I could never even begin, to thank you all enough.
My forum Family: Good lord, without the knowledge of all of you. I would have been lost between the tests, treatment, and even recovery now. I believe I have followed the footsteps of the most incredible transplant warriors out there, between Sarah, Shannon, and Anne-Marie, to Wullie, D, Brian n Brian, Adrienne and Brandy. And the incredible daily support of Veronica, Jesse, Susan, Alison, Michelle, and so, so many others...You, my loves, have pushed me through. And shown me that I should be proud to be a survivor. That I AM proud, to be a survivor, among, all of you.
To be honest, this last group is a weird mix. Of people, who saved me at very crucial points of my treatment. To John, To Jen, To Sam, To Daphna, To Ham, and to Darrel. You have heard and seen my darkest days and thoughts, and yet, you still stood by me. On days, I thought I was broken, you each were there -- never caring what I looked like, or however beaten I sounded. You all, were there. Checking in, calling, emailing, doing whatever you could in your power to make sure I was still breathing. I will never, ever, be able to thank you enough. For your sensitivity to my needs, to just being able to listen. You six, have amazed me, and went above and beyond, the calls of friendship, and continue to do so.
And lastly, but most importantly, my beautiful family. For Jake and Aly, to be here for parts of their spring break, to care for the house and dogs -- while I was in the hospital. For my moms, my beautiful, beautiful mothers, who although drive me crazy most times ;) Gave up their jobs, their lives, their normalcy, to continue my life. For them forcing food down my throat, when, I refused, for them driving me to the ER, at the drop of a hat. For them, sleeping in reclining chairs for two straight weeks in the hospital, just to be near me. For them bugging nurses, doctors, and questioning everyone and everything, so I wouldn't have to worry about my care. For them, taking me in at twenty four, rearranging the house, the dogs, and their life. So I could have successful treatment. Without them and their strength, I assure you, I would not be here. And for that, I have never ever been more grateful to have anyone such as these women, in my life.
And lastly, to you -- if I have not mentioned your name. This blog, in many ways, has been an extended network. Your comments and love, shine through the screen to me. And on the days in which I felt most alone. You, were all there with me. Weather you sent a card, left a phone message, sent an email, ect. You were a part of this. And for that, I sincerely thank you.
Although cancer has been an incredibly heartbreaking and devastating time in my life. I have to state for the record, the outpour of support from those I have yet to meet face to face, or those who I haven't spoken to in years. Has truly been amazing. The kindness of strangers, coupled with my army of support of friends and family, truly lets me see the beauty within all of this pain. And for that, as well, I am grateful.
Heading into Upenn tomorrow,
which will determine if the transplant was successful.
Sending tons and tons of love,
to each and every one of you,
B
Treatment, and even this part of recovery has been somewhat surreal. I can't even quite put it into words, just that, I'm so very thankful, and still overwhelmed some days, that I'm here -- and walking around. When just a few months ago, I could hardly gather enough energy to sit up right in a hospital bed. The human body, and spirit are truly amazing. And I'm so thankful I had people in my life that felt MY life was worth their effort, through supporting me.
Realistically, there are tons and tons of people to thank. Between last years treatment and this, and a part of me hopes I get to write thank you notes to each and every one of you. But most likely, if you are reading this now -- you were a part of this process. YOU are why, I am still here, and smiling.
This will be somewhat geographical in order, if that makes sense:
First and foremost, my extended family. The Rosan's and the Furey's, my Uncle Jay and Aunt Bobbi, who led me in this direction of treatment, and the best care possible at Upenn, and also the emotional support and kick in the butt I needed to keep me going through the difficult patches of my treatments. And then, the Furey's -- on all ends, my grandparents for telling me I was beautiful, even on my roughest days, and visiting when they could. My Aunt Linda for supporting my mothers through this mess. And my cousins, for thinking of me.
The ones who financially, let me live: Sheila, Sarah, and Vicky (The Curley School, Lesley University, and Neptune Beach Elementary), These three women, and the collective institutions/schools I've worked/attended at, not only put together fundraisers for me, to pay for prescriptions, gas to and from Upenn, and other care, but sent an abundant amount of emotional support through cards, poetry, and their personal connections to make sure, I was still kickin ;) For these women, and the staff that work with them -- I thank you, so so much.
Those crazy kids in Boston: To the ones who packed me up, and unpacked me. The ones who listened to my morphined thoughts, who cheered me on when I cried, and who kicked my butt hard (Nik), when I wanted to give up. Nik, Kate, Josh, Lynn, Em, Am, Kare, Timbo, Man, Sarah, Brock. I could never even begin, to thank you all enough.
My forum Family: Good lord, without the knowledge of all of you. I would have been lost between the tests, treatment, and even recovery now. I believe I have followed the footsteps of the most incredible transplant warriors out there, between Sarah, Shannon, and Anne-Marie, to Wullie, D, Brian n Brian, Adrienne and Brandy. And the incredible daily support of Veronica, Jesse, Susan, Alison, Michelle, and so, so many others...You, my loves, have pushed me through. And shown me that I should be proud to be a survivor. That I AM proud, to be a survivor, among, all of you.
To be honest, this last group is a weird mix. Of people, who saved me at very crucial points of my treatment. To John, To Jen, To Sam, To Daphna, To Ham, and to Darrel. You have heard and seen my darkest days and thoughts, and yet, you still stood by me. On days, I thought I was broken, you each were there -- never caring what I looked like, or however beaten I sounded. You all, were there. Checking in, calling, emailing, doing whatever you could in your power to make sure I was still breathing. I will never, ever, be able to thank you enough. For your sensitivity to my needs, to just being able to listen. You six, have amazed me, and went above and beyond, the calls of friendship, and continue to do so.
And lastly, but most importantly, my beautiful family. For Jake and Aly, to be here for parts of their spring break, to care for the house and dogs -- while I was in the hospital. For my moms, my beautiful, beautiful mothers, who although drive me crazy most times ;) Gave up their jobs, their lives, their normalcy, to continue my life. For them forcing food down my throat, when, I refused, for them driving me to the ER, at the drop of a hat. For them, sleeping in reclining chairs for two straight weeks in the hospital, just to be near me. For them bugging nurses, doctors, and questioning everyone and everything, so I wouldn't have to worry about my care. For them, taking me in at twenty four, rearranging the house, the dogs, and their life. So I could have successful treatment. Without them and their strength, I assure you, I would not be here. And for that, I have never ever been more grateful to have anyone such as these women, in my life.
And lastly, to you -- if I have not mentioned your name. This blog, in many ways, has been an extended network. Your comments and love, shine through the screen to me. And on the days in which I felt most alone. You, were all there with me. Weather you sent a card, left a phone message, sent an email, ect. You were a part of this. And for that, I sincerely thank you.
Although cancer has been an incredibly heartbreaking and devastating time in my life. I have to state for the record, the outpour of support from those I have yet to meet face to face, or those who I haven't spoken to in years. Has truly been amazing. The kindness of strangers, coupled with my army of support of friends and family, truly lets me see the beauty within all of this pain. And for that, as well, I am grateful.
Heading into Upenn tomorrow,
which will determine if the transplant was successful.
Sending tons and tons of love,
to each and every one of you,
B
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Reasons why I smile...
Sometimes, pictures are better than words.
baseball and jane!
My partner in crime,
and the green monstah...
and my other half... me and Jen!
These beautiful people are keeping me busy and smiling wide.
Hope all of YOU beautiful people are doing well.
Tons of Love,
B
My lovely scottish man, Wullie! Although we look old -- Wullie is only one year old and I am just about to hit three months (in transplant years!)
The last two weekends,
I've been able to lay in the sun,
on the beach with friends...it's been amazing.
I've been able to lay in the sun,
on the beach with friends...it's been amazing.
Red sox... 'nough said :)
Fenway...
baseball and jane!
My partner in crime,
and the green monstah...
The girls!
College roomates..
College roomates..
My sweetest, loves.
and my other half... me and Jen!These beautiful people are keeping me busy and smiling wide.
Hope all of YOU beautiful people are doing well.
Tons of Love,
B
Friday, July 4, 2008
Bittersweetness
I can't even begin to express my gratitude and appreciation, from the support you have all sent me through emails this week. It was, much, much needed. So, thank you.
After a week of getting settled, the move is finally done! There are still many boxes, things to be organized, and the apartment still isn't quite, 'bekah-fied' but it will get there. With time.
The last few days, I have realized a few things about myself. And although, this week has been somewhat of a painful process. From packing up my room in Doylestown, looking through the hundreds, literally, hundreds of 'get-well' cards, sorting through the lymphoma books I've collected the last two years... To, unpacking old pictures, lovely furniture, and a new life into my perfect one-bedroom apartment, in Boston. All in all, it has been an emotional process.
To say that the emotions after transplant, in addition to moving so soon after treatment are like a rollercoaster is certainly an understatement. In addition to this week being a huge moving week, I was able to spend time with two of my - favorite - people in the world, Wullie and Veronica. Wullie and Veronica have been two of the most supportive individuals, throughout my transplant. Sending me words of support, calling, telling me I was strong enough, through this entire process, sending pictures, and even as far as giving me my very own star, in the night sky. To see these two individuals face to face, was bittersweet, knowing the history that the three of us have traveled through in the transplant world. Once again, there is an unspoken bond between survivors, that I could never explain. But being in the presence of this amazingly stunning couple, made me feel understood. Made me feel, like bekah.
Anyway! You mesh all that together, plus some job interviews, catching up with tons of friends, and attempting to adjust as fast as possible to move, I will admit I have never wanted to cry and smile so much at the same time. I am so happy, yet so overwhelmed at the same time. But, I've realized over the last two years. That these emotions are not wrong, or inappropriate in any way. Before cancer, it was understood that nothing was worth crying about. That a smile is needed twenty-four-seven. That you block out your fears and anxiety.
But now, I've decided, that this, all of this, is reality. That seeing Wullie and Veronica (and John and Kelly!), moving, interviewing, putting one foot in front of the other, is something that tugs at my heart, in a painful and beautiful way. I once again, have the choice... I can either ignore my feelings and emotions, or work through them. And this time, I choose to work through them, embrace them, hold them, and be proud of them.
With all of these emotions flying around, I have also made another choice, to close this chapter of my life, and this blog. Although I will be working, and allowing myself to feel, recover, and find my new normal in Boston.. I truly hope some of the information provided from the following months of treatment will be helpful to another survivor, at some point.
In addition, I will update one or two more times, as my day 100 is quickly approaching, and the PET scan, along with it, to share the results with everyone. And hopefully, with that last PET scan, we will all be able to close this section of my life, together.
Sending tons of Love,
Bekah
After a week of getting settled, the move is finally done! There are still many boxes, things to be organized, and the apartment still isn't quite, 'bekah-fied' but it will get there. With time.
The last few days, I have realized a few things about myself. And although, this week has been somewhat of a painful process. From packing up my room in Doylestown, looking through the hundreds, literally, hundreds of 'get-well' cards, sorting through the lymphoma books I've collected the last two years... To, unpacking old pictures, lovely furniture, and a new life into my perfect one-bedroom apartment, in Boston. All in all, it has been an emotional process.
To say that the emotions after transplant, in addition to moving so soon after treatment are like a rollercoaster is certainly an understatement. In addition to this week being a huge moving week, I was able to spend time with two of my - favorite - people in the world, Wullie and Veronica. Wullie and Veronica have been two of the most supportive individuals, throughout my transplant. Sending me words of support, calling, telling me I was strong enough, through this entire process, sending pictures, and even as far as giving me my very own star, in the night sky. To see these two individuals face to face, was bittersweet, knowing the history that the three of us have traveled through in the transplant world. Once again, there is an unspoken bond between survivors, that I could never explain. But being in the presence of this amazingly stunning couple, made me feel understood. Made me feel, like bekah.
Anyway! You mesh all that together, plus some job interviews, catching up with tons of friends, and attempting to adjust as fast as possible to move, I will admit I have never wanted to cry and smile so much at the same time. I am so happy, yet so overwhelmed at the same time. But, I've realized over the last two years. That these emotions are not wrong, or inappropriate in any way. Before cancer, it was understood that nothing was worth crying about. That a smile is needed twenty-four-seven. That you block out your fears and anxiety.
But now, I've decided, that this, all of this, is reality. That seeing Wullie and Veronica (and John and Kelly!), moving, interviewing, putting one foot in front of the other, is something that tugs at my heart, in a painful and beautiful way. I once again, have the choice... I can either ignore my feelings and emotions, or work through them. And this time, I choose to work through them, embrace them, hold them, and be proud of them.
With all of these emotions flying around, I have also made another choice, to close this chapter of my life, and this blog. Although I will be working, and allowing myself to feel, recover, and find my new normal in Boston.. I truly hope some of the information provided from the following months of treatment will be helpful to another survivor, at some point.
In addition, I will update one or two more times, as my day 100 is quickly approaching, and the PET scan, along with it, to share the results with everyone. And hopefully, with that last PET scan, we will all be able to close this section of my life, together.
Sending tons of Love,
Bekah
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)