Strength

A strong woman is a woman bleeding inside.
A strong woman is a woman making herself strong
every morning while her teeth loosen and her back throbs.
Every baby, a tooth, midwives used to say,
and now every battle a scar. A strong woman
is a mass of scar tissue that aches when it rains
and wounds that bleed when you bump them and
memories that get up in the night and pace in boots to and fro...
 

I am incredibly happy to tell all of you that your wonderful positives vibes, prayers, and thoughts have contributed so much, within the last week. After three weeks of prepping for stem cells, and attempting to collect. I am pleased to let you all know, that we've hit the 'magic' number, just barely. But enough, to move on to transplant.

A strong woman is a women who craves love
like oxygen or she turns blue chocking.
A strong woman is a women who loves
strong and weeps strongly and is strongly
terrified and has strong needs.
 

After a very disappointing week, last week. One of my dearest friends, John. Came to visit me for the weekend. This man, has watched me battle through my kidney disease, my first treatment of cancer last year, and now transplant this year. He is truly an angel in disguise. And means the world to me.



I'd like to believe it was all the drugs working in my body, or that the timing finally came for my stem cells to finally leave my bone marrow. But after a relaxing weekend, of spending time with one of my oldest friends and smiling LOTS. This past Tuesday, I had finally collected enough stem cells and told, that I will finally begin the stem cell transplant, I've been waiting for. We will start my first day of my LAST DAYS of chemotherapy on Tuesday, April 15th. Therefore, after five/six consecutive days of chemotherapy, I will then receive my stem cells back into my system on Tuesday, April 22nd. Finally, we begin approaching the last hurdle of this incredible challenge.

A strong woman is strong
in words, in action, in connection, in feeling;
she is not strong as a stone but as a wolf
suckling her young. Strength is not in her, but she
enact it as the wind fills a sail..

Although the ICE, collection, and preparation towards this step in treatment has been a rollercoaster for many, besides me and my family. I can not even begin to tell you what transplant could entail. The side effects, the pain, it is all too much to think about or to even put into words for all of you. A truly ugly side of treatment, that no one deserves. So instead of divulging the details of what my 25-30 days of isolation will be like in the next month. I'd much rather ask of you to do something for me and my family.

What comforts her is others loving
her equally for the strength and for the weakness
from which it issues, lightning from a cloud.
Lightning stuns. In rain, the clouds disperse.
Only water of connection remains,
flowing through us...

Transplant is about an entire month of isolation within the hospital. And, it is my feeling as well as my family that you at all times have a medical advocate at your side. To help us succeed in this, with the knowledge that Upenn is pretty far away from our home. I ask if you would like to help our family at all, to please please, send two specific gift cards that will basically save my mothers during this time.

For me: Best Buy Cards & Borders. Or send your favorite DVD to my house. I'm also, diving into Poetry, so if you have a favorite poet. Send him/her my way. Attention span is difficult during these weeks of treatment; therefore, poetry, will become my best friend. :)

As well as...

Gas Cards: Sunoco, Mobil, BP, and Lukoil.
and Starbucks cards!

My mothers have literally been keeping me alive during these past few months of treatment, and they RUN on coffee. Trust me, a five dollar donation. Will make them smile, which will in turn make me smile as well.

Sending all my Love
to all of you.

Strong is what we make
each other. Until we are all strong together.
- M. Piercy.
 

-B