Bekah - boo

It is basically a day before I admit myself to Upenn hospital for four to six weeks of isolation to rid myself of cancer, and the horrible memories attached to it. But before I start the last battle of this dreadful two year war. I find that most people lose themselves during this process. Sometimes it's impossible not to. Here you are, diagnosed, going through treatment, while the rest of this chaotic, but beautiful world keeps moving.

And you tell yourself, this is hard. too hard. You've lost your physical appearance. You'v lost your strength. You've lost too many friends to count. You've lost your job, you may have lost family members. Maybe a close relationship. Cancer cleans house in so many ways and angles you have no idea, unless you're living it. The point of this all, though, I've realized. Finally. After years of disease. Is not to focus on what you've lost. But what is left inside of you. So, for tonight. The first and last night of many that I am unmedicated. Without pain meds, nasuea medications, or sleeping pills. I wanted to share with you, what I have left inside me. That has nothing to do with cancer.

Then Tuesday, I'll begin to put these pieces together and commit myself to six more days of chemotherapy, and transplant.

Bekah

• I've played basketball (pointguard) from age five all the way through my sophomore year of college.
• I have the tiniest ears, an adult could ever have.
  
• When I drink white grape juice it makes me think of singing hebrew blessings in temple with my family.
  
• I worked in Domestic Violence Shelters in Philly and Boston, in HS and during my Freshmen summer after college, I helped format the Social Work program at BU for their DV program
• I'm a reform Jew. And Irish. I've got the curly hair (when I have hair!) and freckles (kisses from the sun)
• If I really really care about someone, I tell them I love them from the moon, to the stars, and back again. These people are in a selective group ;)
  
• If I hadn't of been diagnosed, I would not be as close with my Aunt and Uncle, or my mothers, as I am now.
  
• I have the most horrid feet in the entire world (ask my past roomates)
  
• I have a huge soft spot for Frank Sinatra and Etta James
  
• Some of the best and most relaxing months of my life was when I was free, in Jacksonville, playing football in the ocean, fires on the beach, and in love with my classroom of third graders.

• As a reform Jew, I believe in my religion, heritage, and past. But, not so much on the G-d end of things, or a higher power.
  
• I have lost a lot of people. And have learned that it's okay.
  Sometimes, memories are good to hold onto.

• My favorite days of the year, are the first weeks in Boston when the colors change in the fall, and baseball season is in full tilt.

• From a very early age, til I moved out for college I had the poster 'A woman without a man, is like a fish without a bicycle.' I still have it.
  
• I have taught hebrew school in three different states, but have yet to go to Israel. And, am going to attempt to go this year.
  
• I have wanted to be a teacher, forever. And always, in an inner city or at-risk-youth schools.
  
• I get a high from sending out packages, to make them smile.
  
• I used to have a passion for shooting black/white night photography
• I have been brought up in a lesbian household, with a sister and a brother, and would not have changed a second of it.

• I've been to the Jersey Shore every summer, since I was born. It's the safest place, I have.
• When I was very young, my parents used to call me Bekah-boo.
  

Cancer destroys a lot of things, in others' lives. Friendships, relationships, maybe even physical identities. But there are pieces, especially of me, that I always attempt, even though it is so easily forgotten. To, remember. There are pieces, to always put back together once the battle is done, and you begin recovery. These are the things, that cancer can't take from you.

It just can't.

Have a wonderful week, loves.

I will be admitted into Upenn Tuesday Morning (April 15th) to receive a pick-line, then my first dose of chemo. This chemo will continue till Sunday (April 20th). Then a day of rest.

Hope you will all enjoy the sunshine for me,
as I will be in isolation for 4-6 weeks.

All my Love,
B

Today I am grateful for: tuesday-sunday being the last days of chemo treatment
Today I smile for: baseball season truly beginning
Today I miss: having my own classroom and past students.