All of you

This month has been awful yet wonderful.  I have received letters, candles, books galore and even lovely gifts that I don't deserve and a box of these beautiful chocolates from the Cavanaugh family that I don't even want to to touch because they are pieces of art.  I am so lucky and grateful in so many ways as the onslaught of chemo continues…

The best pieces of inspiration though have got to be your words.  Your love. Your light. You telling me I  can keep doing this, and as Charles says "A little bit of chocolate always helps."  We'll, yes it does sir!

As for cancer talk: The plan of attack now is to receive SGN-35 once a week pending my counts be well.  Plus Bendamustine on day 30 (end of the month).  There haven't been many reactions except for chemo fevers and major neuropathy (which we are all a bit nervous about -- losing feeling in my feet).  However, I'm trying to work my legs, and we're getting in home Physical Therapy starting next week.  Hopefully I will still have feeling in my legs by the time this is all over.  I guess it's the price you pay.

The good stuff:   My ESR, which has usually been indicative of my disease in the past reached an all time low of TWO this week.  This is brilliant and in many of our minds we're hoping it means the SGN-35, on a higher dose, is now working four years later.  I swear if it wasn't for my last charge nurse, Laura B -- I would've never allowed them to even infuse me with this drug.   But because of all of her notes from years ago, we all held our breath during this infusion, and she was right on the money, in so many ways.   I am so so grateful for women, nurses (Ellen, K, Em), PA's (Alex, Carrie).  The entire Six North floor and just all  of my medical staff in general.  I have resources that not many others have and on a good day, I'm able to see the light and have clarity in all of this.  I know how lucky I am…. how fortunate I am.  And I hope they all see that when I'm in the midst of hell.  

So we continue with SGN, ever week -- the last week of the month we add Bendamustine then I believe we will scan.  Transplant will most likely happen sooner than we all think (if I hit some form of remission), so if you do have pockets you want to open and not spend money on gifts which at this point we REALLY need the funds for Seattle.  Here is where you can go to donate: DONATE

Tomorrow I receive my infusion as it's been pushed back a day due to insurance.  I'll probably have chemo fevers and be out of it for the weekend, but one month of pure hell I think I can do with all of your support -- we've gotten this far in seven years haven't we? And it's mostly all of your doing.

Again, I can not thank you ENOUGH for all the goodies, letters, books, disctrations, love and light.  You make me move, you make me write, live, and breathe again when I can.  And I am so grateful for all of it.  

Love and light to all of you,

xoxox,

B.