The Luckiest: Our Caregivers (part two)

When I say that I'm lucky,  I don't think people really grasp the luck that I have.  Although I have a life altering illness, a terminal one at that.  I've survived for over seven years. Seven fucking years... (excuse me, as I'm getting a little salty-mouthed in my day).  Who says that? I do.

But the luck doesn't come with my health -- give me a break. From my Minimal Change Disease of the Kidneys, to cancer, to MDS.  Good lord, I've been dealt a shitty hand with health.  But with people? My life? My stamina, the love that surrounds me? I'm the luckiest.  (Ironically as Ben Folds plays "The Luckiest" on my spotify as I write).  But truly, between my silent warriors, and the ones I'm about to write about in my next few blog posts, no one could ever comprehend the true grace, brilliance, kindness, and generosity that not only my family but complete strangers (yes all of you), have contributed to my healing, to my passion, to my will to keep breathing even in the depths of such pain.

It's an honor some days, to know that people are inspired, or derive some kind of will knowing that there is someone out there who has lived for seven years with Hodgkin's.  I know, because I watched it happen when I looked up to the pioneers of this disease, Alese and Adrienne -- the women who showed all of us.  That this is possible.

But I defer, I'm here today to write about my insanely generous Aunt B and Uncle J.  My family, the Rosan's have quietly stepped into my life after I have parted ways from a relationship with my biological father.  There was never an easy way to reconnect with my family on my father's side, but once I was diagnosed with my HL, The Rosan's broke down all the emotional walls.  They broke down the barricades, and everything else that I had constructed to possibly keep that part of my family at a distance -- and destroyed it.  They demolished it.  Instead, they gave me love, they gave me stability, they gave me comfort, they showed me what love was, real, true, raw, gritty, love that does not take no for an answer.  And for seven years, they've been modeling and showing it to me.  And there are not any words that could ever justify how incredibly, sincerely, thankful I am for these two wonderful people.

My uncle has shown me what it means to be a man in my life.  He has stepped in as a father figure in so many ways I can't even list them.  From supporting me emotionally through this hell of a disease, to being at my Master's graduation, with my Aunt B telling him that they always want to help me in anyway possible.  They are two of the most outstanding people, and they do so much -- not just for me, for their children, their grandchildren, complete strangers.  They are the complete essence of the hebrew saying Tikkon Olom "we are here to better the world."  They have shown me, how I want to grow, how I should achieve my goals, wants and desires.  And these two people are some of my greatest caregivers.

Just writing this small passage makes my eyes shimmer a bit with tears because between my silent warriors (my mothers), and these two individuals, I am truly the luckiest woman in the world.  I have more love, support, guidance, praise, and belief in me and my choices from these four people -- and that is more than most individuals could ever say or speak of.  I may have been dealt a shitty, shitty hand health wise, but in all other aspects of my life. I am so grateful. I am so, deeply, sincerely grateful for the people who choose to surround themselves in my presence.  Just as if my mothers were not in my life, if it weren't for my Uncle J and Aunt B.  I would not be here -- I guarantee it.  I wouldn't be here, sitting in my beautiful apartment, having a graduate degree, breathing in life, smiling and thinking how fucking lucky I am.  I am the luckiest.

Sending so much light,

B.