Alright, here we go, quick and dirty:
- - As easily as the ESR rates came down, they bounced back up (around 80ish). Dr. O said this will be normal, eventually during that second or third week of blood work, we'll chizzle that 80 down to 70 and so on.... I'm putting a lot of faith in him lately, lets hope he's right. We'll find out this Thursday if my ESR has gone down again since I had treatment at the end of last week (the 15th).
- - I had a mighty rough allergic reaction to the SGN this time around. It was scary. I wish not to discuss it. I'll be pre-medicated during my next cycle, to prevent this from happening again.
- - My 'feel good week' and no more fevers/vomiting, ended right before my infusion last Thursday. The fevers roared back after I was at the end of my Leviquin dosage (anti-biotics). So, once again I'm being slammed with anti-biotics, IV fluids, fatigue, night sweats, you name it.
The most difficult thing for me, is to taste the sweetness of just... feeling good and then all of a sudden it being taken away. It appears that every time I have a small glimmer of light, a huge wind just blows it away. I'm trying to handle my emotions in as much of a consistent manner as possible, but I'm not going to lie. It's difficult. When you have good news one week, and not so great news the other. When you feel SO good with blood counts, and then... they dip or crash. Some people have no idea how much their mind really is connected to their body.
I really am trying though, behind all of this I still attempt to be grateful.
These things I am oh-so-grateful for, would be: My family, knowledge that I have the resources to keep me alive as of now, really REALLY good-beautiful-kind hearted-understanding friends who are going with my flow because everyday I feel differently, an amazing team of doctors who literally hold my hand when things appear out of control, a roof over my head, FOOD. I have a lot. I know I do.
It's just when you know there is more... outside of this cancer life. You want it. You want it badly.
I want it.
B
8 comments:
I want it for you to, sending you healing vibes and lots of HUGS
You are AMAZING! I can't even begin to imagine the roller coaster you're going through... I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better. Some way I could help.
Hugs, and love. Sivan.
Keeping you in my thoughts Bekah!
I'm not a big fan of roller coasters....I hate the highs and then the quick lows and the spins and loops....I only like the smooth ones that treat me gently. I wish you could have a smoother ride...and not a big old bumpy/loopy kind of roller coaster. Sorry that this lousy cancer has to be such a big focus in your life. I hope and pray that you've gotten good news in NYC today - waiting to hear how it went.
Thinking of you often with love and friendship. ((HUGS))
Susan
Despite how disappointing the ups and downs are, you seem to handle them incredibly well. I wish for you an "up" that stays nice and boringly (if that makes sense) UP! Permanently.
Thinking of you and hoping the best for you,
Joann
Hey Ms. Bekah,
I sure am sorry you're having a rough time of it right now, hopefully things have improved since you posted this message.
You have tons of faith and love coming your way...
With much hope...
Bob
Ugh - B, what do we say......enough's enough already - let's just find a way to give you the smooth ride you deserve.
Sending you so many hugs and love and strength......always
Vx
Dear Bekah,
I am SO, SO hoping that the strong reaction to the SGN-35 is indicative of the Hodgkins being completely under siege and that you are able to reap the rewards of that VERY soon. You're one tough cookie and we are all rooting for you up in Vancouver.
Hang in there, sweetie.
xoKirsten
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