The answer is Adrienne.

A lot of people have been asking, calling, emailing, stalking :) me about what the next steps are. Just to let everyone know, there is a plan. I'm just not ready to talk about it yet.

There is a huge hole. In the Hodgkin's community. And, I'm just not ready to focus on me yet.. and I'm not sure how soon I will be able to. When I think of my next treatment, or my doctors, or school and treatment, my thoughts somehow or another always find their way back to Adrienne. Although I can't really figure out where I am in this thinking process, I know, that there are a lot of things... I want people to know about Adrienne. Things and ways that don't necessarily have to do with cancer and how she lived with it for thirteen years of her life. Yet, were so softly interwoven between herself, the disease, and her life -- that all of it needs to be mentioned. Somehow.  So, forewarning: Right now, I'm not ready to talk about treatment. I will, soon. But, when you ask me how treatment is. My thoughts and heart, go directly to Adrienne. How, she should still be here. How, in one way or another Alison and her saved my life. How, Adrienne has probably saved more lives than she could've ever comprehended. And, for that, and for so many other reasons. I wish she was here.

Adrienne showed the Hodgkin's community what to do, and what not to do. And because of her actions, she saved lives. Not many other people get to say that. On top of it all. There were so many other things about her, that... weren't shared.

So, these are the things, I want to share with you about Adrienne. Things that I miss. Things that I will miss. Things that, stick out in my mind when I think of her, power walking through the blocks of New York City, and the moments in Miami where I found out she was a shopaholic at heart.  These are some of my thoughts about one of the toughest girls, I know I'll ever meet in my life.

My thoughts of Adrienne...

The phone calls.  I think on more of a weekly or monthly basis these are the times I will miss hearing her chomp on the phone the most.  When, I call to ask Alison how her and Adrienne are doing, and Alison describes symptoms or what their next steps are, and hearing Alison say "And, we're trying to get more weight on her... she's eating... an english muffin, or matzoh ball soup, or something else." Then she'd put A on the phone, and sure enough, confident, and self secure, Adrienne would assure me that things really weren't that bad, and she was trying to just figure out how to fit a ridiculous amount of treatment or doctors appointments in between classes.  It was here, I took Adrienne's lead, and applied it to my own life.  People wonder how I do it. They wonder how I am doing four classes, twenty five hours of internship, relationships, ect. They wonder? I want to answer with: Adrienne. Adrienne is how I know I can do this. Because, across the country chewing on an english muffin, she was doing the same damn thing.

Adrienne always wanted to do things her way -- the right way :) I was never dishonest with Adrienne, and I believed she was always a 'give it to me straight' kinda attitude. From her discussions on Psychology and wanting to get a PhD the RIGHT way :) to, eating Sushi -- not fake sushi, like I ate. But REAL sushi... something, outside of the 'california roll safety zone.' Adrienne always spoke her mind. And, she told you straight how she felt about a person, food, or the path she wanted to take and how she wanted to take it. Although I may not have agreed with everything A said, she had more chutzpah than most people I know have in their pinky finger. It was amazing to watch, and beautiful to listen to.  There aren't many other young women out there that I know, were/are so outspoken. But, Adrienne never felt as though she had to back down, once her mind was made up. I always knew, her honesty would be right there with her, everytime I saw or spoke to her.

Adrienne was a foodie. A foodie, that I probably can't even justify or articulate into words because, I am not even close to her or Alison's level of knowing what good food is or what resturants to try.  Although I only ate a handful of meals with A, I always knew that between her and Alison -- I would be eating something great, new, and at a place I'd never forget. I treasure those meals, and remember them more than most, when I've eaten with other people. It's nice to associate memories of good food, with fabulous people. I wish everyone had the opportunity to do this...

Adrienne was a babe.  More specifically she was a nerd  and boy magnet. I loved this part of Adrienne because, she knew. She knew what guys she didn't want in her life, and she knew what guys she wanted to stick around. And she knew, somehow without much wavering, how she wanted to handle them, school, and this disease.  It was amazing watching and hearing her date young men, their reactions, how she thought some of them were just plain 'duds' and how she wished some would get their 'acts' together, already! I loved that in the mix of all her treatment, school, and what some people might think of.. having the weight of the world on her shoulders, she was able to totally break hearts on the side too. I knew whenever we were able to talk about boys, I was in for a huge laugh.. She didn't understand most men. Just like the rest of us! But the ones she did, she held on to -- and seemed to make it very clear, she wanted more.. more of life.. more of challenging conversation.. and more of someone to mentally keep up with her. Because on top of everything else about A, she was incredibly intelligent and quick.  And, those boys needed to be able to keep up with her, if they wanted to be in her presence.

There is more, much more.. but for tonight. I'll leave you with this. These are the pieces of a woman, that I honestly, did not know too much about, but knew enough to enjoy her. Knew enough to admire, and to base my actions on her actions. These are the pieces, I hope you gather, and think about, when you think about Adrienne. And when you wonder, how I've done this so far.. how I managed to create this life between the cracks of cancer. You'll know, the answer is Adrienne.

And for that, I will always be forever grateful.

Sending you love,

Bekah