One year old.

In a few short days (April 22nd) marks the one year anniversary of receiving back my stem cells, at Upenn Hospital. It's amazing, how fast a year flies by. In no way do I really want to reminisce about the good ol' times in the transplant ward. But, I do believe that it's important whether or not your transplant has failed or been successful. That, those transplant warriors, congratulate themselves -- if you're still alive, still fighting, no matter what you're a survivor.

And, all that matters. Is I'm still here. Failed transplant or not. In the grand scheme of things, one year old bekah is doing pretty well =)

So there are few things I must update with all of you...

1. I received my scans from last week. And, we are still in the 'stable' disease range. However, through most of this trial. There is one main node, in my upper chest (the first place, I always relapse, and the first node that showed up on the PET scan after transplant), that continues to grow millimeters. Everything is tiny. M&M size remember? There aren't alarm bells going off. We are still stable. The other nodes, have hardly moved in any direction on the 15 mgs of LBH. However, if this one node continues to go at the pace it is -- in progression. My estimate is that I will be thrown off the trial in September. And, we will move to the next drug of choice: Doxil.

Am I upset? I obviously wish I could continue this trial for the rest of my life considering the quality of life I have at the moment. However, this trial has lasted me an entire year. A lot better than I expected.

Is this for sure? Absolutely not. Recently, in I informed most of you that I asked for more chemotherapy. We increased my dose from 15mgs to 20 mgs. This scan did not show any of the results from this dose increase. Since, I had only changed my treatment, less than a week before the scan.

So it could reduce that one node on the 20 mgs? Definitely. The last time I was on 20 mgs, my plateletes and blood counts were bottoming out. I could hardly stay on the 20, and we thought for sure they would throw me off the trial, since my body was not strong enough. But! i've been on the 20 mgs of LBH for about two and a half weeks now. And, as of this morning. My blood counts (after taking a small hit last week), are slowly coming back up. Which means, we might get a full cycle without any holds, or interruptions. Which could definitely be helpful in reducing this one node.

So, the worst case scenario? I have an incredible summer on the LBH, as it is holding the cancer at bay, and not allowing it to spread like wild fire. Take summer classes, enjoy a SUMMER (which I haven't experienced in about three years), and get a tan. Then, we most likely will get a scan in August, and change to Doxil Chemotherapy.

Best case scenario? The 20mgs, does some damage. And, we ride this horse until the cows come home. =)

Most likely though, we will prepare for the change in treatment, for this fall. Which is fine.

2) My life!
Things have been great on the school front, I've accepted my clinical site internship from Sept-May of next year. I will be working with children ranging from 5-18 years old, doing therapy with child witnesses/victims of Domestic Violence, counseling young women in rape crisis, helping out with a teen dating curriculum for middle schoolers, and group therapy with populations of children who have been sexually assaulted, witnessing, or other forms of trauma.

It's going to be the most rewarding experience I've ever done. But, after two years of waiting for the opportunity to work with kids again, I am more than ready. So, internship + classes + chemo = busy year, next year. But, I am incredibly pumped for it to begin.

In addition, my 'overload' semester is almost complete. As, I only have three weeks left until I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. And have a few weeks off before I lock myself in the library, for summer classes.

3.) The blog -- which is where I need your help.
As my program intensifies, and I begin to have my own clients. It appears that the internet footsteps I am leaving behind, might not be the best approach. I want to help. Obviously, for other young adults going through this period of their lives, individuals with chronic caner, or those that are entering trials that I have information for. However, I am struggling with the reality that this can easily be found. And, I would not want supervisors or clients, reviewing this site. On the flip side, I feel it's important to keep, for other survivors...

So, I guess, what I am asking is for your thoughts. If, this site is no longer helpful to others. It will be an easy decision. But, I'd love to hear what you all have to say.

4.) Hope you all are well. As Spring has FINALLY come to Boston today. I hope all of you are enjoying the sunshine, the start of baseball season, your friends, families, and your everyday lives.

Sending all of you tons and tons of love,
from boston,
and my heart.

<3 B