Just call me, Lucky.

At this point in time, I'm comfortable enough to say, that in the worst of the worst of situations. I am the luckiest girl in the world. The last two months I have been overwhelmed with an amazing program at Lesley. Although Education, always felt like 'my calling,' I never seemed to connect with my peers very well in the Master's level. Being, one of the oldest woman in the program.

Now, as I am one of the babies, I am incredibly humbled and feel such gratitude towards my peers and incredibly introspective professors. My classes, the challenges, the papers, and the discussion is rich, thought-provoking, and raw. Real issues, ethical questions, my mind finally feels challenged in a way, I didn't realize was possible. Although I have a zero psych background, this path makes me feel at home. In some ways, I knew I'd get to this here (maybe twenty years from now), but I'm glad I'm somehow, I got here faster then expected. And am so overwhelmed with the community developed within each classroom. To say that I'm happy, would be an understatement. And, when friends call me a nerd or a work-a-holic for focusing my attention this last month on my studies and internship interviews -- I'm okay with it. This is not a program, of just books here. This is program for and of people. This is a program, in which we are all making a difference, and I'm grateful to be part of it.

Aside from that, my midterm papers are pretty much over. Which, lets me breathe a bit more. Still lots of work, but I have had the beautiful opportunity to spend and be spending time with my gorgeous friends. For the first time in three years, I went and celebrated my birthday with an amazing gift from my uncle and aunt, who invited me to their beach house in Florida with three of my a-mazing girlfriends from Doylestown. I have never, ever, been more relaxed in my life. It was heaven.




Aside from our four-day-vacation. Midterms. And up-coming interviews for my internship for next year. I have been spending a decent amount in the hospital this week. Which is okay. But, thought it would be important to lend some advice to those who are on the clinical trial track. Although, in the beginning the LBH589 was very stricked, and I didn't have a lot of flexibility my doctors and I have been attempting to 'bend the rules' a bit. For instance, I was suppose to have a CT scan about two weeks ago. But, with the pressures of coursework last week and this week. I asked to propose to the drug company if we could push it off a bit. In response, they accepted this request. Sometimes -- like a wise woman once said (Alison ;))... All you have to do is ask.

We are also, experimenting. At the moment I was on 15mgs of LBH, feeling a bit nervous for this upcoming scan since the last scan did not reveal any reduction (yes, I probably should have told you all, but stable is still good, at this point in time). I asked since my plateletes were going up, and doing well, if we could up my dose a bit. I know what you're thinking -- who asks for MORE chemotherapy? Well, me :) If I get thrown off this trial, most likely, I will be entering a tougher chemo regimen, so, if my body can handle a higher dose in chemotherapy, on this trial. I will take it.

Thus, on Friday, we began on 20mgs. The catch? The drug company needs blood tests from me every week. So instead of spending one full day at Dana Farber every other week -- it looks like I'll be there a bit more until my body proves it can handle the 20, or not. I'm okay with this for now. As, a scan is coming up soon. I guess I just want to push my body as far as I can, in hopes that two extra weeks of a higher dose will reduce some of these tumors -- who knows right? As far as side effects, I'm trying to suck it up. But my body can already feel the difference as my fatigue has reared its ugly head again, and the nasea has returned. But, sometimes, risks like this are worth it. You give a little, you take a little. You have to strike that balance.

So, time will tell. Other then that. Things are wonderful -- which is the reason for the lack of updates. I am attempting to not think about cancer, unless I absolutely have to. Which has taken time to get used to, but every day, I am learning more, and coping with this to the best of my ability. If not for myself, in hopes that other young adults with a chronic cancer can see -- it can be done. And you can still live and accomplish your goals.

And, on a side note -- who can seriously think of cancer. When you have these gorgeous locks? Have I mentioned I LOVE having hair again? Hope all of you are doing well, and enjoying the sunshine in your life, as much as I am.

Love, love, love,
B