Don't stick a fork in me, yet.

I am always, always, overwhelmed by the amount of love and support I receive from so many, across the country every time I receive bad news.

I feel as though I should realize by now, that this is how the people in my life are. I surround myself with the most beautiful, heartfelt, and sensitive souls in the world. To say that I'm lucky to have each of you would be an understatement. Because, I feel the love, so much, in everyday through emails, notes, phone calls, ect.

And I feel fortunate enough to know, that life is precious, and that this is truly the meaning of life. To make these connections, these relationships, and see the pureness of each person in my life and how I care for them, and they care for me. In times of hardship, I feel blessed to have such an army of supporters by my side. I'm not sure many people can say this. But I can.

As for my lovely title. I just want to clear up some misunderstandings that I've received in emails, comments, and phone calls. Although the disease is spreading and I would consider this incredibly alarming. There are still options out there for me, if I choose to do so. I appreciate the concern, how touched you all are, or at least express. And yes, the severity of the situation is pretty high up there. But, at the same time, I feel that there is a proper way to handle this kind of situation.

The proper way for me, is not ... running around like a chicken with its head cut off ;)

So, let's not freak out yet. okay? One step at a time. I will let you all know, when to completely be alarmed. I promise.

Now that the initial shock of cancer returning is in play, I have set up two appointments tomorrow at Upenn, and two at Dana Farber, and am hoping to have a third in New York. All with lymphoma specialists, and lymphoma radiologists. We are getting the best of the best to make sure we choose the right next step.

We can decide to go for radiation, or straight into a clinical trial. The difficult part about clinical trials is that they are still in the early stages of being approved by the FDA (Federal Drug Association); however, there are some really good ones out there that people are able to live normal lives, with small side effects, and are maintaining their diseases. There are also other ones that are more toxic, but have a higher chance of a possible remission. All in all, its A LOT to decide.

So, we will take this a day at a time.

First stop, is Upenn tomorrow. We'll gather information, then head to the next appointment, and the next. By the end of the week, I hope to have a plan of action.

Again, you all are absolutely wonderful. And I still, to this day, do not know what I did to deserve the outpour of support from every single one of you -- but, I will certainly take it.

All my Love,

B